Friday, March 6, 2015

On dreams and dust / late-night thought post


Macau 2014 on Christmas day with my sister

I keep wondering if somehow, beyond all the pristine white flakes of snow and the mist in the air, there lies something ahead of us that is much more daunting, and far greater than we'd ever imagined.
I never dared to step beyond the balcony because I feared that I wouldn't be able to withstand the height of the fall. What if I lost my footing? What if I fell into the river? Could I withstand the cold? What if, what if, what if… 
They all wanted the best for me. To be able to see me rise up in the castle on the other side of the fence and tell the world, I did it. But I was one who was extremely cautious. I calculated every move, every step of the way, like following the trail of seeds back to the mousetrap. There was no looking back once I'd stepped beyond the fence.
After months of mapping out my route, I reached the edge of the balcony. I convinced myself, that this was a wise decision. All I had to do was take a leap of faith. And when I take that step, all that matters is that I took the step forward.
My head spun as I took in all the words, the sights and the sounds a last time. The wind churned, gathering snowflakes my way, threatening to push me over the edge any minute now. A voice inside my head chanted, Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
So I closed my eyes, and I jumped.

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