On dreams and dust / late-night thought post

Macau 2014 on Christmas day with my sister

I keep wondering if somehow, beyond all the pristine white flakes of snow and the mist in the air, there lies something ahead of us that is much more daunting, and far greater than we'd ever imagined.

I never dared to step beyond the balcony because I feared that I wouldn't be able to withstand the height of the fall. What if I lost my footing? What if I fell into the river? Could I withstand the cold? What if, what if, what if… 

They all wanted the best for me. To be able to see me rise up in the castle on the other side of the fence and tell the world, I did it. But I was one who was extremely cautious. I calculated every move, every step of the way, like following the trail of seeds back to the mousetrap. There was no looking back once I'd stepped beyond the fence.

After months of mapping out my route, I reached the edge of the balcony. I convinced myself, that this was a wise decision. All I had to do was take a leap of faith. And when I take that step, all that matters is that I took the step forward.

My head spun as I took in all the words, the sights and the sounds a last time. The wind churned, gathering snowflakes my way, threatening to push me over the edge any minute now. A voice inside my head chanted, Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

So I closed my eyes, and I jumped.

On a journey of self-discovery

My sister's graduation (2013)

I still recall vividly sitting down for my sister's graduation ceremony just over a year ago, watching these graduates pile into the auditorium as the lights shone on their confident faces. They were ready -more than ever - to face the world. Fast forward to the present, and it's almost my turn to go for my graduation ceremony. 

In the blink of an eye, all those years spent studying our nights away, frantically penning our essays, rehearsing for presentations - they're gone. Now, we enter the workforce. And the question is, what are we going to do for the rest of our lives?

It's a funny thing. I woke up at 3am last night, my mind racing with thoughts on planning the latest event at work. Fire, drills, police. And I thought, is work really taking over my life? I couldn't fall back to sleep for the next few hours and so I grabbed a book, took my laptop and went downstairs. So many thoughts passed through my mind: Am I doing the right thing? What is the right thing? Am I happy doing this? Why, why not? What should I do?

Stop. Why was I even thinking about it? 

The thing with jobs and careers and mid-life crises is, you never really know what you're going to do. And even when you think you've got your life sorted out, there's a nagging part of you that says, no, you're still not there yet. So take a leap of faith, go on that holiday with your friends you've always wanted, take the entire weekend by yourself and invest your time in things that matter to you, go abroad and study if that's what you've always wanted. Do what makes you happy.

And if projects on the side are an effective way for you to figure out where your interests lie, why not endeavour to finish a book a week or watch a movie a month? Perhaps even spend 100 days speaking to 100 different strangers?

Life is too short to be thinking about the what-ifs, and we might as well do as many things as we can. In the time we've spent thinking about all these things, we could have ticked off one of the tasks on our to-do list. 

And now as I embark on this path myself, I urge you to think about the things that truly matter to you. I recently read an article that asked, 'What would you not believe if I told you what your life would be like in the future?' Find the answer, write it down, and make it happen. Yes, I understand that there are practical limitations and life doesn't always go the way we want it to. But with a bit of faith and an unwavering readiness to take on the world, anything is possible. 

I leave you with a quote that inspired this post:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." 

-Howard Thurman 

And I hope you never stop dreaming.